Where did you people learn to drive?
What a week this has been out on the highway! I drive for a living, usually right around 3000 miles per week in a semi truck and I have to say after all I experienced this week is, where the fuck did you people learn to drive?! It seems that many were not taught any common courtesy nor common sense! I have been driving big rigs full time for the last 13 years. I have racked up over 1.3 MILLION ACCIDENT and TICKET free miles (I AM a PROFESSIONAL!) and to say I have seen alot of ignorance and outright stupidity out on the road is a massive understatement, but lately all this stupidity seems to be getting far worse! Don't think I am only chastising the car drivers out there, because some of these big truck drivers are just as bad if not worse but I will get to their stupidity later. I want to address the most egregious stupidity I see on a nightly basis first.

Take this week for example. We had pretty severe thunderstorms roll through the area with some very heavy rain. It seems that the rain made folks forget anything they once knew about safe driving because some of the dumbest things I have ever seen occured while trying to get out of the grasp of the moronic jack asses that were creating a large traffic jam. It seems that no one remembers the concept of MOVING to the right when moving slow! For 30 miles, the ignorant fucks decided that 35-45 mph was fast enough and they were going to make sure no one moved any faster because they were blocking ALL 3 lanes of an interstate highway! Before I go any further, let me say that I am not one of those truck drivers whom thinks anyone that goes slow in a rain storm is an idiot, a jack ass or anything else derogatory. I slow down somewhat myself when visibility is reduced. However, when one feels the need to slow down significantly in inclement weather, PLEASE have the fucking common sense to move to the right and GET OUT OF THE WAY!!! Try to remember, those of us in big trucks have much better visibility and much better traction in bad weather so we do not need to slow down as much as you do, so again, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!!!

On this same particular evening, I witnessed a real darwin prize winner trying to back up on the shoulder of this same interstate trying to get back to the exit he/she had just passed! What made this escapade even more unbelievable was that this fucking retard wasn't staying on the shoulder of this interstate highway, this fucking dumb ass was also weaving into the road on their way back to the exit causing even more of a traffic jam as the idiots that were already going slow had to slow down even more to get around this fuck head. Why do so many of you people think it's a good idea to back up on an interstate highway just because you are a retard and missed your exit?! Here's an idea for you idiots! GO TO THE NEXT EXIT! I can here you morons now, but I'm not from around here so I'm not sure where to go if I go to the next exit! Cry me a fucking river! Get a fucking map, or as seems so popular these days, a GPS device that will, like big brother, tell you where to go since you are obviously too fucking stupid to figure it out on your own or even bother to read a map! I also can here this gem. But what if I get off on an exit in a "bad" neighborhood? I say, GOOD! Maybe darwin will prevent you from passing on your stupid genes and the world will no longer have to deal with your stupidity nor the stupidity of any offspring you may have had!

One of my favorites in the stupidity files is when someone passes me at a high rate of speed and then decides to jam on their brakes to make it onto the next exit ramp! A little lesson on big truck stopping distance for you morons seems to be in order: This is from http://www.ehow.com/facts_5796132_stopping-distance-tractor-trailers_.html Here it is:
Stopping Distance.
Inertia is a prime factor in the difference in braking distance between a car and a heavy truck. A fully loaded semi truck has the gross vehicle weight, depending on its cargo, of up to 80,000 pounds. (Compare this to an average car's weight of 4,000 pounds.) At a speed of 55 m.p.h., a semi truck's stopping distance is 100 yards--the length of a football field. A mid-size automobile traveling at the same speed can stop within half of that distance. Read more: What Is the Stopping Distance of Tractor Trailers? eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/facts_5796132_stopping-distance-tractor-trailers_.html#ixzz0uh6IQGScGive this some serious thought before exercising this dangerous and potentially life threatening move of stupidity! It could get you killed!

I know I may sound a bit harsh and maybe even a little jaded, but afterall, think about this. The highway is my office. Would you want me coming into your office and fucking things up so you couldn't do your job efficiently or safely? I'm sick and tired of all these assholes who don't regard safe driving as their number one priority when they are behind the wheel of their vehicle! I have seen some fucked up shit in my days, I have also seen the results up close and personal of the consequences of someone driving like an idiot! I have seen women applying makeup, I have seen people drifting all over the road while trying to text/talk on their cell phones. I have had drunks nearly run me off the road due to their inability to keep thier car in their own lane! I have witnessed sexual acts being performed upon the driver of vehicles. I have even seen one especially retarded individual trying to eat a bowl of cereal while driving, I'm not kidding! This bran dead jack ass almost side swiped me requiring me to blow my rather loud air horn to get his attention back on the road, which made him spill his cereal all over his lap. He then has the nerve to flip me off! Think about what the fuck you are doing out there folks!

Now, don't think I forgot to talk about all the fucked up shit I see big trucks doing out there. I have not, I have alot to say about these assholes as well. I remember a time when truck drivers USED to be the knights of the highway, when common courtesy, common sense and respect prevailed. That seems like long ago days gone by based upon all I have witnessed over my career, especially lately. It seems a very large number of truck drivers have the me first mentality about them, as is the same with much of society.

Truck drivers, I have this to say. I hear lots of you bitching and complaining about not being paid like other professionals and I hear you bitching about not being treated like other professionals. Why do you think the general public thinks we "supposed" professional drivers are a bunch of morons? BECAUSE OF YOUR ACTIONS BEHIND THE WHEEL!!!! Tailgating, excessive speeding, weaving in and out of traffic, and in general, not paying attention to what the fuck you are doing makes all of us in this profession look like the negative public image! If you want to be treated as a professional then act like one! I have another little piece of advice for those truck driving tailgaters out there. STAY OFF MY BUMPER!!! You will not make me speed up nor cut off the person I'm passing, in fact, you may well make me SLOW DOWN!! There is no fucking excuse what so ever for tailgating, EVER! If you have to drive like that to make your deadline, you need a different job or maybe even a new career because obviously you do not have the proper mentality for a career with so much responsibility.

This career entails a very large amount of responsibility, we hold the lives of hundreds or thousands of folks in our hands every day or night. As professionals it is up to us to be prepared to respond to any and all changing conditions out on the road and most importantly, we have to be prepared for anything the braindead idiots in any vehicle may do. I almost witnessed a tragic accident that did not occur because I was prepared, I was paying attention and luckily, the driver of the car woke up in time! I came upon a very slow moving car in the right lane, there was another big truck in the left lane so I slowed down early to let the big truck pass me before I reached the slow car. Just about the time the other big truck was upon the slow car, he, (the car) decided to apply large amounts of brake pedal pressure, turned on his LEFT turn signal and started to move into the path of the speeding truck to his left. Needless to say, I slowed down even more as the car realized his fuck up and came back to the right lane. He (the car) probably shit himself upon realizing how close he had just came to dying because of his own stupidity!

Just pay attention to what the fuck you are doing out there folks! Let's all get where we're going safely and most importantly ALIVE!!!